My Calling to Counselling...

Over the years through difficult periods in my life, I had accessed Counselling. I cannot say that I personally found it helpful at that time, and looking back a few years later I realised why. Because at that time I was not ready, I was not fully open to the process of Counselling to help me. I was simply going through the motions of trying various things to soothe my own trauma. 

After working in the Domestic Abuse sector for nearly a Decade, I could see how Counselling seemed to make such a difference to other women. They would access support, and things would usually be challenging for them in terms of finding safe accommodation, separating, obtaining various Court Orders. Once they had sought the crucial earlier stages such as the (Maslows hierarchy of needs) physical needs like being rehoused, then safety, they could then think about their emotional needs such as Counselling. I realised some patterns emerging, that many women only allowed themselves to be open to Counselling, when their basic essential needs had been met. This did make me think about my own lack of enthusiasm towards Counselling in my 20s. As I was unable to distinguish and even comprehend what my needs were, and maybe at that time I just could not move on to another stage. 

Fast forward me in my late 30s, post covid, post 1st baby deciding to check out “An Introduction to Counselling Skills Course”. The recommendation was from my sister, who had also done the course and spoke highly of it. This led to Level 2, and as part of Level 2 I had to undertake 6 hours of personal therapy. I managed to find someone, and I started the process of talking about me, however I realised it just was not coming naturally to me. I went through the motions of the sessions, and as lovely as my Counsellor was, I was just not invested as I was masking. I then moved on to Level 3 in which I had to have around 10 sessions, and again I just did not connect. The counselling was very surface level, I did however manage to talk about a dear friend passing away from Covid. That was the first time I had let someone in, and it felt like a relief. I did not really talk about the intricacies of what I was feeling post this loss. Once the sessions had finished with this counsellor, I felt I did not really connect with her, how I would have liked to connect with my counsellor. I then started my Level 4, 1st year and decided I needed a change with my counsellors. I decided to go for a male counsellor, and I simply looked on Counselling Directory and found the oldest man I could see visually. This felt safe to me, and I started my sessions with this male counsellor. I did manage to go deeper as I explored my trauma around birthing, and what I had endured with a recent birth. It felt very safe and comfortable to do this. My counsellor was invested, empathic, and genuinely interested in me. When I finished my sessions with him, I felt rather sad, but at the same time I wanted to explore something else. 

I decided to go back to a Supervisor I had many years ago, and decided I wanted to try Counselling with her. It was my second year of Level 4, so things had started to become more intense academically. When I met my counsellor after many years, it just felt like things just clicked. I felt so safe, warm and held by her during our sessions, and I was able to explore pretty much all of the trauma that I had been holding for many years. Alongside the Counselling I had my personal supervisor,  with whom I have a great relationship with. Having both of these people really helped me, and explored many aspects of my own life and way of being. In addition I have had a wonderful supervisor from my work with a Local Counselling Charity for young people, whom I have had some fantastic life changing group supervision sessions with. In addition in my current role as a School Counsellor, the young people that come to my counselling hut, simply leave their mark. Whether it is “ Ms Sadiq I don’t want to talk today, or Miss can we just play jenga in our session. 

I have recently finished my Level 5 in Psychotherapeutic Counselling, and again met some wonderful people. The people that I have met through my Counselling work, have really made an impact in how I shape and view Counselling. I now as a woman in my 40s realise how sometimes when you seek help, it may not be the right time at that time. To listen to your inner voice, and try again, perhaps with another Counsellor that you hopefully will have a better connection with.

Shamila